She'll make you take your clothes off and go dacing in the rain.

I have a new Live Jouranl...if anyone still reads this...
it's cAafootprints85. be my friend!!

<3
cAa

Hey everone! I am fablious. I lost a friend last week but life goes on. =)
Things change. Some changes is bad, sometimes for the better. You lose friends [o well], you make new ones[:o)]. It's life, it goes on. Make the best of what you have & don't dwell on what you had. I am so happy. I love changing & growing & learning. :o) :o)
I found out I am changing and growing everyday & I love it! =)
Lets see Friday night I went to Bobby's and hung out with Kelly, Bobby, & Phil.

Kelly & [Bobby's dog] Coco.

Bobby.

Phil.

Then Satruday night we went to Phil's Aunt's. haha. Lets see there was Kelly, Bobby, Phil, Chuck, Tiff, Natalie, Phil's Aunt, Phil & Chuck [they are bothers]'s parents, Mike, Brandon, Danny, Aston Poweres & his girlfriend, Sean, and I think that might be it but...ya know it was a party...haha. Very fun and intersting.

Phil, Chuck, Brandon, & Danny.

Bobby, Tiff, Natalie, Chuck, Sean.
We're in love...get over it.

Jeffrey & I.
<3,
Carolyn

"Hilary Duff Lyrics - Someone's Watching over Me" -Hilary Duff

Found myself today
Oh I found myself and ran away
Something pulled me back
The voice of reason I forgot I had
All I know is just you're not here to say
What you always used to say
But it's written in the sky tonight

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me

Seen that ray of light
And it's shining on my destiny
Shining all the time
And I wont be afraid
To follow everywhere it's taking me
All I know is yesterday is gone
And right now I belong
Took this moment to my dreams

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me

It doesn't matter what people say
And it doesn't matter how long it takes
Believe in yourself and you'll fly high
And it only matters how true you are
Be true to yourself and follow your heart

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
That I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even when it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
That someone's watching over
Someone's watching over
Someone's watching over me

Someone's watching over me

Well summer...so last time we talked was a little over a week ago. mmm...a lot has happened... I have met and started dating this wonderful man Jeffrey. I have started work...blah. I have classes, they are all right. The labs are fun...hands on. I miss school and I cannot wait for next year. It's going to be wicked, minus one thing; Jeff will be up here working in the real world. =\ but we will make it! *muah* Jeff is 23 and lives in two towns over. He is starting a real job at the end of July. I have spent almost everyday with him over the past few weeks [although we just stared officially dating on Monday]. It was all because of Kermit the frog. The night before we were hanging out and we started talking...then not talking and sitting in silence for a while, he drove me home, i was crushed, then we talked and everything was a world better. He came over the next day and we were boyfriend and girlfriend. so we smiled =) haha and haven't stop since. wow. anyway I do not have much more to say right now.
<3
cAa

So far summer has been all right. I cleaned up all my stuff from school, I hung out with friends =), I sat around and did nothing. I was Emily and Lucy (of course), I saw Jillie, and Mike, and Steve, and RAD (Richard), and my family. Last week was Abby’s graduation, which was nice but cold. After graduation I went with Abby, Sam, Mommy, Daddy, G'ma & G'pa, and Aunt Cathy to the Macaroni Grill, after that I went to Jill's and her Tristn and I went mini-golfing. That was so much fun. Then I came home got ready and went out to dinner with Mr. and Mrs. Wlazlo, and Mike, Steve, and Jen. That was a lot of fun too. Steve, Mike, Jen and I went to get cold stone, then we drive Jen home then watched a movie at Mike's but of course I feel asleep for a little of it. Saturday was Sam's Confirmation. Then we had a party at my house. It was my family, The Gibbons, G'ma & G'pa, Aunt Cathy, Pop-Pop, Aunt Lois, Uncle Wade, Andrew. Then Lucy came and we went to get stuff for mother's day and what not. Came back Mike and Jen and Kristen and the boy of hers showed up. Me Emily and Lucy stayed and ate some food then went to Lucy's.
So last night I was going to go to SFGA (Six Flags) with RAD but it closed at 8. So we went bowling. That was fun! Then we were going to go play pool but we went to his friend's to help him put his soft top on. I also saw Martin's Jeep it's hot! It's lifted and everything. So we went to Al's to put his soft top on. It was Rich, Martin, Al, Al's Bro and I. It was fun. O before we went I got to drive Rich's new GTO. After the 2 hours of chitchatting and putting the soft top on we went to the Sun Tavern in Roselle and Tammi (Martin's Girl), Martin, Rich, and Al had a beer while Al's Bro and I sat there. I can't wait till I am 21. But anyway I got back later than I wanted but I still enjoyed my night.
Now I am off to clean. Come keep me company!
cAa

"But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting" [not anymore]
"You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting" [i now hate all thoses words]
"And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting" [not anymore, I'm done]
"Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting" [stop searching cause I am gone]

the end.

So I just watched Rent the movie and it was amazing. Ok so Roger and Mimi reminded me of Danny and I a very little...the songs did. [well obviously cause it is a musical].
( Here they are: )

well lets see now...
So the school year has ended...
It was a good year [for the most part]. I have new friends that I will NEVER forget. I took my finals and finished at work for the year!
Lest see the last week...Well Kim left a week before that. I wrote in the beginning of last week after Danny came. Amazing night. Monday I went to class at 3. Tuesday I went to work than my Math final. Wednesday I went to work twice and packed most of my stuff. And it was Nicole's last night sleeping here...='( I miss her. Thursday I went to work and helped everyone move stuff out. O AND....since Kim left stuff there and told Cole she would come help if we needed it. So we called her...she said are you serious... we are like umm yeah. You left a lot of stuff here and we need some help, it would be nice. But she bitched instead. It was kind of funny. She left all her food here...Cole told her to leave the noodles and dunk-a-roos and throw away the rest, so Kim decides to leave it all anyway and for us to throw it away...she also left ready for this...? Her poster, the [Eagles] window things, laundry deferent, her lamp, her wicker basket, garbage can, and black thing we put sliver wear in. so...we came back up all bitching and shit...i mean it's not our responsibility to throw her stuff out. ug... I am not one to talk about someone or say that I do not like someone. If you know me I like everyone I meet and if not i put up with them and not say anything. Not this time, I said something. I do not like her I am sorry. I did like her but when I found out she did not like me and her sarcasm was really serious, I got fed up. Cole told me she complained about me a lot and she also told Cole to yell at me after she left...what the hell would she yell at me for. w/e I am over it and sick of the BS. Ug...sorry. Another rant...Danny...so yeah…that amazing night with him...it was…well amazing. And than of course what always happened when things are good... he tells me what is wrong with me and runs. He is scared. It is not a bad thing but I just wish he wasn't. He dose not realize that I do NOT want to hurt him [again]. Yes I said again. I know that is one of the reasons and I am VERY sorry for that. I just hope one day he realizes...but for now I can only hope [spes]. *sigh* It just sucks.
So Friday...I went to my last time at work for the year ='( and than to my room to pack and clean more. I went to my English final then cleaned more and waited for my mom and sister to come get me. They came and we packed the car with Kymm's help! THANK YOU SO MUCH KYMM!!!! Then we got ice cream and came home. We unpacked the car and my Brother came over. Ok he is not really my brother but he is pretty damn close. I love you Mike! My sisters and I danced around the living room. Then I showered, talked online, than went to bed. Today I woke up, ate, did my hair, unpacked some stuff, got ready, and from 3 till like 10 was at a party playing with kids. My allergies were HORABLE. But it was still fun.
OK I REALLY need to get sleep. My sisters, mom, and I are going tot he street fair in Crandford tomorrow.
Night world!
cAa. <3

First off... Happy 26th Anniversary Mommy and Daddy and Happy 16th Birthday Sam! I can't wait to come home and see you guys [you too Abby].
So today...I got up went to work at 9 till 10 than went to my Math final at 10. Got out of that and went back to bed till like 4ish. Than I went to see Rob. Than Went outside to study with Nicole, Tammi, and Erin. It was nice out. I got some studying done until they went LOOPEY!! haha. Than we came back and hung out till we went to Breakfast at 11:40 down the hall. haha.
So this weekend...I went to York. It was nice. I went Mini-golfing, and got ice cream, and watch a movie with Matthew and James. I got to see and surprise Lauren! I also learned how to play a song, well part of a song, on the guitar! AND I have the pick I learned to play it with [it's green]. =) It was a nice weekend...
Sunday night was the best night of my life. Danny came to talk. When he first got here he hugged me. It was amazing. I tested my cuz and told her something, she is like what did he do, and I was like hugged me, she goes "your a dork". =). I love her. Anyway. He parked his truck, and than he came in. We hung out, looked at pictures from last year, he talked.. than my roommates came back and than it hit 12 so we went outside to talk. He kept me warm. We looked at the stars. We held each other. It got too cold so we went to his truck. He laid his head on my lap. We talk. We looked in each other eyes. I laid on his lap. He kissed me. It was amazing. He told me he had to go. I cried. I told him it would feel like I would be losing him again. He left. I smiled anyway.
alright well I am going to jump in the shower real quickly than head off to bed.
Work in the AM!
<3
cAa.
Just take my hand, we'll make it i swear.

So it's been a while. (side note: I just read my sisters journal...she's strange). So lets see what has happened...The weekend of the 31st-2nd Matthew and I went to my Aunt's. Friday Cat (Caitlyn), Matthew and I ventured of too SFGA (Six Flags Great Adventure). We met up with some of Cat's friends (I felt like I was babysitting, but it was fun). Saturday we just hung out all day and went to see Ice Age 2 at night. It was sooooo funny. Sunday back to SFGA this time Jason and Jay came also. So it was Me, Matthew, Cat, Jason, Jay, and Megan came later in the day. (pictures later). Jay, Cat, and I did dare devil dive! It was such a great day. Than back to school.
The next weekend (April 6-8th) I went to York. It was a nice relaxing weekend. Did not do much.
Then April 12th-17th I was home for break. Thursday I spent the day doing work (with Lucy, Abby, Jason, Mattew, and George. Friday my two sisters and I went down to my aunt's. Than me, me two sisters, and Cat drove in my car and Uncle Wade, Aunt Lois, Andrew, his friend Vinnie, Megan, and her friend Annie went in the van. It was a ok day, cloudy and rained later in the day. Not too bad. But we spent our morning in line for Ka (Kingda Ka), not a good idea anymore. Abby and I got on than it broke...they fixed it launched a train (with people on it), it rolled back, they tried again, rolled back again. Than they closed it do to inclement weather (aka rain). So we went on the Scream Machine and than all 10 of us pilled in to the van, ate our lunch while driving thought the safari. It was so cool! (again pics later). We saw George, Kelly and their friends. I also saw Nick Williams and his friends. and we saw the FLASH!! haha I love the Flash like woah. Saturday I spent the day again doing work with Lulu. One of the night I hung out with Lucy till 3! I missed her more than life. Than I went to my G'ma's for dinner with G'ma, G'pa, Aunt Becca, Aunt Dana, Uncle Greg, Douglas, Steven, Mom, Dad, Abby, and Sam. It was nice. Than Gus, Kyle, Jack, and Kevin showed up o and T-low. it was nice.
Sunday was Easter. I went to my G'ma's for breakfast, than 10:30 mass, we had to stand, there were a lot of little kids around us. Than went home to changed and went to my Aunt Cathy's. Grandpa Hollien, Aunt Cathy, Aunt Lois, Uncle Wade, Cat, Megan, Andrew, Molly (the Dog), And my family were there. We hung out, ate, played games, and it was just nice.
Monday I came back here.
This weekend....Thursday BRIAN REAGON!!! York till Saturday. Home Saturday till Monday. Uncle Danny (from CA) and Aunt Monica (from CO) will be here! I am oober excited. I got a new outfit for Brian Reagan. I got a skirt and top from old navy, shoes and earrings from Koles.
=)
Ok well time for pics than class!
( SFGA! )

I wish my internet worked quickly...My mind works a lot faster than it and I am going to pass over what I want to talk about...written on my SN.
better...
Ok so yes, I do not want to have sex till I am married. Have I thought about it, yes a lot. There are times when I think I am ready, than I really thinkg about it...and I am not. I am scared. Why thought, why do I have to be..why me? I mean yeah it's a good thing to be waiting till I am married but ug. I hate the media. Sex is not like it use to be. There are kid 6 years yonger than me haveing it and probably a lot.
I have thought about doing it with [not sure about Tom], Brian, Jeremy, Dan [on a different level], Rob...Yeah I wanted to but than I think, I am not ready and I am scared. Scared of it hurtting [I am more scared of haveing sex for the frist time than haveing a kid. Yes I know strange], and scared of what will happen after, like with me and him or anything...
Why are all my sex rants the same...
Now I am at a writer's block.
Honestly I really want to just go have sex with someone right now, just to get the fucking think over with but than again I want to wait. I hate being an adult.
This blows and I do not ever know why.
I am going...
I am going to watch TV, try to take my mind off it and sleep.
Night.
cAa

Hey! So last weekend I got picked up Friday around 11:30 by Mrs. Fromtling [my other mommy]. I went home hung around for a while, saw and old friend. Jason R and his friend Jay stopped by with Jay's HOTT car [Bright Blue haha]. I got to drive it too. It was a 5 speed Evo! Than Lucy and I ventured off to Boston. It took about 4 and a half hours with a turn around and a stop for dinner. Than we got there. So met Emi's friend Emily! hehe. She rules. Than we went to put the car in the lot and walked back! Than played pool! haha. Emily and I kicked ass. hehe. sorry Lulu and Emi! Than we watched Freaky Friday and ate food. Than went to bed. We got up, went to eat, and than toured Boston. It was fun! We saw the parks and a cemetery and fun stuff. Than we took the T back. Went to Uno's for dinner, than walked to MIT to see A-Cappella. It was the ICCA. It was AMAZING!! Than came back hung out, went to bed. Got up, took the T to the car, and Lulu and I left. We got a ticked for going 81 [which we were not] but some stupid mean cop in MASS. Did you know all they have to do it point at your car?...it's so messed up. But anyway. The trip home got better. We got home, and I waited for my dad to get home from Paddle Sport and him, my mom and I went back to my school. We stopped for dinner. Than I got back and sat around and up packed and all that fun stuff. Matthew was suppose to come over last night but his rent's do not want him to dive his car till he gets it fix Wed, so he is coming Wed.
Than Friday he is coming to get me and we are going to my Aunt's for the weekend. We are going to SFGA [Six Flags Great Adventure] Friday and Sunday. Idk what else we are going to do. It should be fun, exp trying to get Matt on roller coasters. hehe.
Ok well i am going to eat my Bagel and read for class.

much love,
cAa

...
*Sun.
*Careless thoughts.
*Sun showers.
*Warmness.
*Showers.
*Bathes.
*Sweet kisses.
*Kisses in the rain.
*Kisses under the stars.
*Lying under the stars.
*Day dreaming.
*Quotes.
*Hoola hoops.
*The 80's.
*Avis/Nolan Family reunions.
*Stars (in the sky).
*Disney World.
*Spring.
*Spes.
*Thunder storms.
*My Fishy.
*Listening to music.
*Hammocks.
*The moon
*Pink.
*Feeling good about myself.
*Watching Disney movies.
*Guitars.
*Pianos.
*Dancing like on one's watching.
*Singing at the to of my lungs.
*Odd things.
*Letting the music take my mind.
*Bare feet.
*Parks.
*Hearing my favorite song on the radio.
*Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
*Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
*Special glances.
*Swinging on swings.
*Sweet dreams
*Having someone play with my hair.
*First kisses.
*Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about me.
*Laughing at an inside jokes.
*Having someone tell me that I'm beautiful.
*Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
*Running through sprinklers.
*Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
*Bubble bath.
*My rubber ducky.
*My Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head.
*My light bright.
*My Slinky.
*My etch-a-sketch.
*Giggling.
*Getting mail.
*The beach in the evening.
*Laughing so hard my face hurts.
*Hot showers.
*Chocolate milk.
*Good conversations.
*The beach.
*Sleeping.
*Laughing at myself.
*Friends.
*Family.
*Waking up and realizing I still have a few hours left to sleep.
*Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
*Hot chocolate.
*Road trips with friends.
*Doing my hair.
*Rain.
*Sweet Dreams…but not too sweet.
*Lyrics.
*Tin lunch boxes.
*Cuddling.
*Rainbows.
*Happy memories.
*Emily being so cheery in the mornings. [<<<I miss that]. *Writing. *[Sometimes] the simple things. *Running around in the rain barefoot. *Knock First/Switched "parties". *Actions [that speak louder than words]. So that is what I read when I am hurt, sad, pissed, upset, depressed, or even happy. It's nice to know I do have a lot of things what make me happy/smile. I wish I could do/see a lot more of these things. But most of them is when it is warm. O well. They still make me happy. So this weekend I am going to BU with Lulu to see Emi! I am excited...but not for the cold. Lets see what do I need...Towel, sleeping bag, clothes [warm], razor, shampoo and condoner, body wash or soap, pillow, Colorado and Pooh, hair stuff, ipod and charger, cell and charger, homework, book for Theo, camera and batteries, my note book, CDs?. I think that might be it. Still looks like a lot. O well. Ok well i have to get some ish done. *cAa* Ps about 10 or 11 in a car with Lucy...o gosh! haha. =D

...
*Sun.
*Careless thoughts.
*Sun showers.
*Warmness.
*Showers.
*Bathes.
*Sweet kisses.
*Kisses in the rain.
*Kisses under the stars.
*Lying under the stars.
*Day dreaming.
*Quotes.
*Hoola hoops.
*The 80's.
*Avis/Nolan Family reunions.
*Stars (in the sky).
*Disney World.
*Spring.
*Spes.
*Thunder storms.
*My Fishy.
*Listening to music.
*Hammocks.
*The moon
*Pink.
*Feeling good about myself.
*Watching Disney movies.
*Guitars.
*Pianos.
*Dancing like on one's watching.
*Singing at the to of my lungs.
*Odd things.
*Letting the music take my mind.
*Bare feet.
*Parks.
*Hearing my favorite song on the radio.
*Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
*Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
*Special glances.
*Swinging on swings.
*Sweet dreams
*Having someone play with my hair.
*First kisses.
*Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about me.
*Laughing at an inside jokes.
*Having someone tell me that I'm beautiful.
*Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
*Running through sprinklers.
*Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
*Bubble bath.
*My rubber ducky.
*My Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head.
*My light bright.
*My Slinky.
*My etch-a-sketch.
*Giggling.
*Getting mail.
*The beach in the evening.
*Laughing so hard my face hurts.
*Hot showers.
*Chocolate milk.
*Good conversations.
*The beach.
*Sleeping.
*Laughing at myself.
*Friends.
*Family.
*Waking up and realizing I still have a few hours left to sleep.
*Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
*Hot chocolate.
*Road trips with friends.
*Doing my hair.
*Rain.
*Sweet Dreams…but not too sweet.
*Lyrics.
*Tin lunch boxes.
*Cuddling.
*Rainbows.
*Happy memories.
*Emily being so cheery in the mornings. [<<<I miss that]. *Writing. *[Sometimes] the simple things. *Running around in the rain barefoot. *Knock First/Switched "parties". *Actions [that speak louder than words]. So that is what I read when I am hurt, sad, pissed, upset, depressed, or even happy. It's nice to know I do have a lot of things what make me happy/smile. I wish I could do/see a lot more of these things. But most of them is when it is warm. O well. They still make me happy. So this weekend I am going to BU with Lulu to see Emi! I am excited...but not for the cold. Lets see what do I need...Towel, sleeping bag, clothes [warm], razor, shampoo and condiner, body wash or soap, pillow, Colorado and Pooh, hair stuff, ipod and charger, cell and charger, homework, book for Theo, camra and batteries, my note book, CDs?. I think that might be it. Still looks like a lot. O well. Ok well i have to get some ish done. *cAa* Ps about 10 or 11 in a car with Lucy...o gosh! haha. =D

I think maybe from now on I will try leavening this up all day and when I and thinking I will come here and write it.
Well first off...the internet sucks a lot here exp AIM.
I spent the weekend at York with Matthew. It was fun. I met all his roommates, his roommate James's girlfriend Lauren, three other chicks and three other guys. They were all great, I had so much fun. The best part was on Saturday night when I was watching Gladiator with Matt, Paul, and three other guys. I felt comfortable in all aspects. OK well it all started with Matthew coming to get me, we were on our way and I forgot my check, we went back to get that. We stopped at CVS and Matthew's car decided to be gay, so we had to go to the Volvo dealer. That took time out of our day. Than we ventured off to the KOP mall. It was fun. I would have been better if we bother weren't wicked tired by the middle of the trip, so we decided to go to like two more stores and give up and go to York. Friday night was nice. We hung out with his roommates and some other people. They were drinking... it was interesting. Than we went to bed. The next day we didn't really do anything till like 4 or 5 or something. We played video games for a while than went to Wal-Mart. Than just hung out and than Matthew went to Sheets and got me, Paul, and two of their friends’ food! [thanks]! While he was gone we watched the end of Gladiator on TV than decided to put in on on DVD. So we ate and watched that. It was so nice. Than we went to bed...=\ we kind of fought. I was hurt, he was hurt, it was not good. I was half asleep so that could have been part of it. I woke up still feeling the same. It wasn't good. We didn't really talk much than or on the way back to my school. =\ But over all it was a good weekend. Later Sunday night he told me that his roommates like me and want me to come back. =) Matthew and I talk so everything is aright now.
So I just realized that it sounds like Matthew and I are going out. I just want to confirm that we are like openly dating. But who knows.
So i have a lot on my mind but i just can't get it out, or not on here I don't think.
Ok I am going to go read and maybe write in my notebook or something.
.cAa.


Maybe everything is perfect and I don't see it...or know what it's like, so I am like this...

Alright so I have grown up more than I thought. Exp with the whole guy thing. I mean I am here at York and having a great time but something isn't right. I think it is time for me to stop with the guys and worry about school, family, and friends. I can't do it anymore. I have to get over all the guys in my past. I am scared to love again and can not trust guys as much anymore [partly cause of Rob and college]. I just need to get through college and if I do find a guy I have to find an older one that knows what he wants to do with his life and stuff like that. College, family, and friends are my #1[s]. That's just how it has to be right now.
So next weekend Lucy and I are probably going to BU [not diffident yet] to see Emi! It will be a lot of fun...exp Lucy and I road tripping. haha. So Friday I am getting picked up [hopefully] and going home. Than waiting for Lucy to get out of school and leaving. Than we will get up that at like 8 or so what ever, hang out all day sat and go home Sunday sometime early. Than I get a ride back to school. Talk about a long weekend.
The next weekend Matthew and I are going to my Aunt's to go to SFGA[Six Flags Great Adventure]. It's opening weekend. It should be fun.
So anyway I have to get ready to go back to school. Wow I have a lot on my mind and I can't talk about some of it. =( But anyway maybe if I can I will write more later.
cAa

Feeling...
Like I have no time to do my work.
I can't get up to do it [no drive].
Like everything is annoying me.
Like I am not a friend.
That none of my friends but Lucy and Emily care I am coming home.
Like my mom is telling me I suck at school and am wasting money.
I feel like I am missing something.
I feel like I have no friends at school, one's that want to hang out with me.
I want to sleep all the time.
I want to start cutting again.
I am stuck between watching to get up, look good, dress nicely, do my work and not doing anything.
I just do not know what to do anymore...
shut myself away from the world...
turn of my cell...
sit in the front row of my class...
get off AIM...
what do I do...?

Well for now I am shutting myself out...
If you want in than go for it. I will be here. I am here to be friends with anyone who wants to be friends with me.
I just want those friends [like Emi, Lulu, and Mike (I would say Stud but he will only be home for the weekend.. well he knows)] who are excited to see me, who are excited I am coming home.
I was home last weekend for no reason...
I hung out with Lucy, Mike, and Abby Saturday night, it was fun. Sunday night I went over to Lucy's it was great. She worked on her project, than we ate some food, than just hung out. It was great, nothing is better than having your best friend lay between your legs… haha. We just laughed a lot and had fun! There is nothing better than that and the fact that she lives about 2 mins walk[ing] [or 30 sec running half way] down your block.
Chocolate and Pony night on the 10th I cannot wait. Movies, talking, laughing, food, and best friends! I love it.

Ok well I am doing to do some of my portfolio and than go to bed. I am tired and want to start new tomorrow. Night world.

-Carolyn

College is stupid. Why are all college guys horney and just want to hook up with girls...where is the respect. Girls why don't you have respect for yourselves...why go out and get trashed and have some horney guy hit on your and you not remember and you do something with them....
I am not saying this is the case for all girls but most of them. I mean yeah I go out and drink and flirt a little but I don't get so drunk that I go get in bed with a guy. To be honest I am not going to drink as much as I do anymore, and I don't drink that much. I don't like how I am when I am drunk. I will MAYBE if I know who is there and trust them. A beer or two works for me. Or Beer pong till I know when to stop or I lose haha j/k. But why is it that everyone goes and has sex now... For me it's no sex till I am married. I was talking to my Aunt about it [well really telling here how I felt] in the car on the way to her house last weekend. I was telling her how I don't want to have sex till I am married, she asked but what if you fine 'the one', and I said I probably wouldn't. I want it to be special and I also want that white dress on my wedding day to mean what it is suppose to mean. It is part of my religion, I am not ready to do it, and I am scared. I will be honest. Are there any guys out there who truly respect that? I mean don't get me wrong just cause I don't have sex does not mean I don't do other stuff. But I won't go and do stuff with anyone. I want to be dating that person for a while. I liked Dan [from the summer]. He was very respectful. We talked, hung out, had fun, and we liked each other, we both new it and told each other. We didn't kiss till i think the day or the day before we started going out and we were talking and hanging out for a while before. We only went of for two weeks and I was away for one of them but it was great knowing he was not pushing to have sex or to do anything for that matter. Well really all my exs but one didn't push me to do anything. My last one was always pushing me to have sex. I don't know why I went out with him. It was the whose relationship of my life. I am not going to give my heart away for a while. The last time I did I got hurt more than I thought. He showed me very very little emotion.
well I just did my hair and listened to music and don't feel like writing anymore right now...sorry.
Dear Fielders
I will be home Saturday afternoon till Monday morning!
Love,
Callie

Why can't I have it? Those friends that go to parties that have fun. Am I not 'cool' enough to hang out with them? I can't even find friends at school to constantly hang out with. It sucks. It hurts. I hate being hurt and getting hurt over and over. It's not just guys that I have liked/dated; it has also been other people in my life. Like I use to sit on the heater in 8th grade and ate lunch by myself for months. It hurts when I actually do get the chance to hang out with the 'popular' people but then I don't again or something happens and it hurts a lot. I want to be one of those girls. The really pretty one's whom the 'cool' guys talk to all the time. I want to be invited to the parties. What is wrong with me that I can’t...? I am I not cool or sluty enough? Do I not give off the ‘I’m easy’ vibe? Well to be honest I do not want to give off that vibe, I am not that kind of person. I am sorry for all those guys that want to just hook up and have sex with any good looking girl that walks by. Where are all the boys that want the nice girl, the girls that has moral and standards? The ones that don’t just want hook ups and sex? The guys…no I should say men that want to respect women…? College is so gay. Why can’t people in college just grow up? I mean yeah have fun and what not but do it with respect for people and yourself.
I also do not like that each year of college so far [and probably next year] I live and will be living with different people again. It blows not to have girls I could constantly live with. The room of girls now were suppose to all live together next year minus Kim but it doesn’t seem that is happing anymore. So I just don’t know what to do.

New thought.
Danny. Yeah well I like him [again]… I don’t think I should anymore. He only thinks of me as what I was, who I was. I will let him think what he wants, that’s fine. I am going to be who I am. I like who I am, most of the time. Yes I will admit there are times that I do not like who I am/was. But I think about it and learn from it, change from it. I like him, I am not sure why but there just is something. I am told by people that I shouldn’t and hear stories. I don’t know the truth so I am not going to judge. But yeah, Danny if you are reading this, I like you [again] and would probably have giving you a chance and tired not to hurt you [again] but like you said, you do not want anything, so all right. I am backing off. If you want to talk to me go a head.

New thought:
Happy single awareness day. Ha ha. Yeah so it’s Valentine’s Day. I never really liked the holiday [well maybe when I was going out with Brain, but I was young and stupid than]. It’s a hallmark holiday, why should there be one day out of the year to tell/show someone how much you love them? There is on Valentine’s Day that I like and realized that now. It was sweet. Richard and I were hanging out a lot and were really close. The day was coming up and we both agreed we didn’t like it and didn’t really want to do much. But when I woke up I walked down stairs and here were 8 roses sitting at my door with a card that said here are 7 roses for the months we have hung out and one for the months to come. It was so nice and I appreciated so much. I guess I was caught up in the moment 2 years ago to really see [sorry but thanks]. It really did mean a lot.

Ok well as much as I love writing I am going to go pee and lie down. Have a great day everyone!

-Carolyn

<3

I hope you all like him!